It’s pretty common knowledge that Japanese people are polite.
But it’s not just that. Not just the gestures. It’s more about the way people interact.
The basis is rather simple. It’s actually not just a blind avoidance of making a nuisance for anyone, as non-Japanese people are often taught to believe.
It’s based on the universally approved assumption that the other person would like to be treated the way you would also like to be treated.
But this not always easy, as those of you have tried may know.
And the bigger problem is, some people make you feel that what you consider to be common courtesy is a personal pet peeve that doesn’t deserve attention.
It’s like this. There was this woman I used to know through work who was always slightly disrespectful to everyone.
Her emails were never quite proper, and when she called you up, she was way too casual. She was younger than me, and although I always insisted on calling her by her full work title, or at least with Ms., she never bothered.
So I was treating her the way I would like to be treated, but got nothing but a “hey” in return.
It took several years before I finally approached her to ask to convert to a more official title when addressing me. The woman seemed to understand, but not really. To her, it was not a big deal.
But to me it was because she was not my friend. We were coworkers, and I felt that was a relationship that had its due place.
There are other things that may be perceived as a bother and not a genuine problem.
For instance, some people, when they are going to be late or have to reschedule a previous engagement do it via messenger.
I love KakaoTalk and Line and the convenience they offer in my life. But I do not appreciate being given notice through them.
If you have something this important to say, such as that you are canceling a meeting, do it in person or at least let me hear your apologetic tone of voice. That is what I would do for you.
At shops, if I hold the door open for you, please do the same. Or at least don’t duck out under my outstretched arm. Say excuse me if you jumped into the elevator at the last minute, at least to the person who’s been pressing the open button.
On the road, when you are switching lanes, please don’t do it at the last minute, making me come to a screeching halt and curse at you.
And when I’m trying to switch lanes, please, I had my light blinking for the past 10 minutes. Can you not find it in your good heart to let me in? You don’t have to of course, but it seems like a matter of common courtesy to the other driver who also has the right to be on this road no matter how congested it is.
A while back, I was in Korea for a visit. At the airport, I was trying to buy a ticket for the shuttle bus that would drop me off at my mom’s place.
As I stood in line, a man stepped right in front of my nose to ask the conductor if this is where he gets his ticket. I waited, thinking he would go to the end of the line afterward, but no luck. He proceeded to buy his ticket and I fumed, telling him to go to the end of the line. He did, but glared at me and mouthed the words: “no big deal.”
Sometimes I, too, lack courtesy. The other day, as I was picking up my son from school, I noticed a Korean boy who is a good friend of my son’s. He was waiting for his mother long after most kids had gone, so as I drove past, I asked him if he was okay. Then I noticed the two teachers who had been standing beside him, staring at me. Yes, I should have greeted them first.
Most of the rude things I mentioned above, actually rarely happen here in Tokyo.
Granted, I have been shoved on a packed train, my foot has been trodden upon, my car was once banged up by an anonymous driver who has yet to fess up and a truck driver cursed at me for no apparent reason.
But overall, my anger never really lingers because I know all too well that these instances are far and few between.
I am not met with a lack of common courtesy on a daily basis, and at the end of the day, I am appeased by people who go out their way to be polite.
There are countless habits and ways of life that Japan can learn from Korea. They include compassion, a powerfully competitive spirit and, overall, it’s pure zest for life and all things new.
But the small acts of common courtesy I encounter daily in Tokyo are something Korea woefully lacks.
Many times I gave up being polite at home because what it means is holding that heavy department store door open for a very long time before someone else takes over.
Common courtesy. It’s not that hard. Just think of how you would like to be treated and treat others that way.
By Kim Ji-hyun
Kim Ji-hyun is The Korea Herald’s Tokyo correspondent. She can be reached at jemmie@heraldcorp.com. –Ed.
